I didn’t plan it. It’s how I’m wired. I taught accounting and finance for years, and I have an MBA. You’d think I was watching the numbers. Nope. I was watching what people did with them.

What I noticed first was the overing.

Overdoing. Overthinking. Overgiving. Overholding. Overcommitting. Overindulging. Overing. It showed up in my students. In my colleagues. In my friends. And yes, in me. (I’m not exempt.) I started calling myself the Overing Queen.

What did I notice?

So glad you asked! Nobody overs because something’s wrong with them. These were capable women. Smart. Responsible. The ones who got called when something needed to be done.

So then, I wondered what pushes a capable woman into overing.

Pressure. That’s it. Pressure.

Pressure to keep everything running. Pressure to get it right, to get it done. Pressure to be the one who takes care of it. Pressure to see it through.

I kept observing and watching. I noticed that we manage the pressure in different ways. Some women are the Go-To. Everybody turns to them. Some are the Driver. They move things forward. Some are the Improver. They’re all about how to make it better. Some are the Holder. They keep everything together. And some are the Observer. They watch and think and take it all in before they act.

Same pressure. Five different ways that it runs through us. When I saw her pressure style, her overing made sense.

Then I followed it into the wallet

I didn’t set out to study money. But following the pressure led me there.

Because pressure hides in your money.

I saw the woman who watches every dollar like a hawk. She’s keeping things under control.

I saw the woman who handles it all alone. She pays the whole bill when the person who agreed to split it didn’t follow through.

I saw the woman who’d rather not look at her accounts. Opening that account feels like too much, so the app stays closed.

And I saw the woman who finds herself spending without meaning to.

That last one is me.

My story

I grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees.” I also heard “we don’t have enough money for that” All. The. Time.

So I made myself a rule. If I wanted something, I’d figure out how to get it myself.

I did. I got the degrees. I built a career. I taught accounting and finance. I took every money program I could find.

And even with all of that, I still found myself spending before I noticed. Yeah. I know how that sounds. But it happens. To a lot of us.

I’d be in Target with my kids. Wind my way through the store, looking for the items on my list. And – ooh – what’s that? That’s really special. Into the cart with you.

One of the boys points out a different thing. Ooh – that would be a solution to the closet organization. Into the cart it goes.

One of the boys is SO EXCITED because the game he’s been searching for and waiting for is FINALLY back in stock! Into the cart it goes, after he’s promised to pay me back. (Any bets on whether I ever collected that money from him?)

The third son reminds me that he needs a new notebook for school.

We make our way through the store in this fashion. Get to the checkout and – yikes! THAT’S the total!?! Holy crap!

And off we go to the car.

I remember thinking, “I teach this stuff. What’s going on?”

Pressure. What was going on was pressure. My money habits were a response to it. It’s not a personal flaw. Once I saw that, things started to loosen up.

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Why this matters to you

If you’ve ever thought “I should know better,” hear this. Knowing better was never the missing piece. Most capable women know plenty about money.

What’s missing is seeing how you handle it, and why. When you can see that, you can choose differently. You’ll make them because you finally understand what’s been going on.

Loosen Your Money Knot

That’s why I built Loosen Your Money Knot.

It’s a six-week program. Each day has a small step called Today’s Untying. You’ll see how you handle money, why you handle it that way, and what you can do differently. There’s a community, so you’re not doing it alone.

Day 1 starts the day you join. Everything’s in the portal when you get in. You keep access for six months.

Join Loosen Your Money Knot here.

I’d love to see you inside. Here’s to untying the knot!

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

This week, I wrote about four ways women handle money. You tighten up. You handle it alone. You avoid looking at it. You spend before you notice.

Maybe one of them made you say, “That’s me.”

Maybe two did. That’s common. Most women are on one pathway most of the time, with pieces of another when life gets busy.

Here’s what you should know about the one you recognized.

You didn’t choose it. You picked it up along the way. It happens because of the pressure in your life. It made sense at some point. I’ve had times when I avoided looking. I’ve had times when watching every penny was a comfort. I’ve had times when I spent way more than I realized I was spending. I’ve had way too many times where I just took care of paying for it myself.

It’s a pattern that you learned. You have to see it first. Then we can work on changing it.

Loosen Your Money Knot starts with meeting all four pathways. Then you find yours. We work until you can look at your money with no judging and no plan. Until a number is just a number. You open the account, and there’s no knot in your stomach.

We cover one pathway each week on our live calls. Every call is recorded. You can join any week.

So, which pathway made you say “That’s me?” Tell me in the comments. I’d love to know.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

Some of us handle money by not looking at it.

I see this one in so many women I know. I’ve done it here and there myself. This one is so common in the women I’ve worked with.

You don’t know what your numbers are. But you have a feeling of dread and anxiety about them. So you don’t look. You avoid opening a bill. You avoid checking the balance in your savings or checking account. You avoid meeting with your accountant. Even the thought of looking at a number tied to money brings on so much anxiety that you go out of your way to avoid it.

If a conversation with your partner starts to head toward money, you distract and change the direction of the conversation. You put off decisions about a purchase or an investment because you have no clue what your money situation is. You don’t want to look at it. It makes you feel awful.

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Nothing is defined. Avoiding it feels better than facing what you think your money looks like. So you never have clarity about where things stand. You keep putting it off. You find something else to do before you make the decision. But you’re not careless with money.

Sometimes money feels too complicated. Or too big. Or just too hard, because people have made you feel like you aren’t good at it. Like you can’t handle it or manage it.

When you avoid your money, a lot of the time you look away because of your conditioning, things you absorbed growing up. This is where looking at your money stories becomes powerful. Remember the one I told you: “Money doesn’t grow on trees?” If you grew up like I did, in a house where you weren’t supposed to talk about money at all, you’ll avoid those conversations. Even the thought of having one feels awful. Somehow, you weren’t supposed to need to talk about money.

And the longer you go without looking at your statements or your balances, the more it undermines your confidence in your ability to take care of things.

You might even tell yourself: “Today I’m going to look and get a sense of my numbers.” But before you do, something else becomes more important. And you don’t get to it.

We work on this a lot in Loosen Your Money Knot. It gets better.

Join us: Loosen Your Money Knot Program

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

Some of us handle money by handling it alone.

Paying for it yourself, taking care of it, becomes your default position. You end up paying for things because it makes sense and someone HAS to. Not because you were asked. You just take it on.

It can start in a subtle way. When I was growing up, there was an expectation of how I should look. I was supposed to dress a certain way, and I was supposed to figure out how to do that. So I did.

I made most of my own clothes, and nobody ever knew they were homemade. It saved money. But the expense of looking a certain way was mine, and paying for it was my stuff to figure out. That’s a bit of where my habit of handling it alone got started.

Handling it alone can just…happen. Sometimes you thought you had an agreement with someone. Maybe your partner, maybe a friend. You were going to share the cost. Then, for whatever reason, they don’t take care of their part.

So you do, to keep everything running smoothly. Technically, someone else was responsible for it. You did it anyway.

You’re the dependable one. Something needs to be handled, so you handle it. You figure it out. Sometimes that means paying a bill at the eleventh hour, because you don’t have the cash flow after what you just had to spend on something else.

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You’ll figure it out. Because that’s what you do.

You take care of everything because you don’t want to let people down. It feels like it will all fall apart if you don’t. So you’re overly responsible for everything.

You overfunction. You overgive your time, your energy, and your money. That’s some of the Over-ing I talk about a lot, and it has a flip side. You under-receive.

Sometimes you’ve been in this place so long that you don’t know how to receive. It’s been missing from your life for so long that you’re not a good receiver. Without realizing it, you turn people down. They say, “Let me get it.” And you say, “No, no. I got it. I’ll take care of it.”

Money keeps moving out toward everything everybody else needs. There’s less left for you. And you end up covering the costs of things you never really agreed to take care of.

If this sounds like you, join us in Loosen Your Money Knot. You can read about it here.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

Last time, I told you why I built the Loosen Your Money Knot program. This one is about one of the ways the knot shows up.

Some of us handle money by tightening up.

It’s all about feeling stable and in control. Underneath that stable feeling is a belief that if you aren’t in control, everything will go wrong.

So you closely watch the money. You track everything. You know where every penny is. You balance every account, and you check them often. Because seeing that it went exactly where you wanted it to go is a relief. You think hard about every decision. You prepare for the worst case, and then you prepare some more.

Spending tends to go one of two ways.

The first way: you don’t want to spend. Watching your savings go up and your debt go down feels so good that you build your life around it. You take advantage of every free offer and discount that you can find.

The second way: you have to spend, because it takes money to live. But deciding to spend can feel almost painful. It can take a lot out of you. It’s not really that you don’t want to spend your money. It’s that spending feels less controlled than not spending.

I know this one from the inside. When we consolidated our debt, I over-controlled and over-managed everything I could. Watching every penny became a comfort because I had answers and information about it. It was my way of proving I was in control. That I wasn’t a mess. That I wasn’t a failure with money.

If this is you, at some point you were the one who had to notice, to figure things out. You were the one who had to know where everything was.

It’s probably inconceivable to you that someone could spend money and not notice. You can’t even imagine it. That makes sense. Knowing where every penny goes feels good, because it means you’re in control.

Where that comes from is different for every woman. It depends on her money stories.

Loosen Your Money Knot starts October 20. The bonus session, Money Feels Different, closes at noon Central, October 19. You can see what’s inside and join here.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

I heard it thousands of times as a kid. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” I also heard, “We don’t have the money for that.”

So I made a rule for myself. If I wanted something, I had to figure out how to get it. Period.

I was raised in a very religious home. Money went to God first, off the top. Wanting money was something good girls didn’t do. We weren’t supposed to talk about needing money.

The message was clear. I would receive exactly what I deserved. I would receive what I needed. I would be taken care of.

I wasn’t supposed to want more than that. What I received was supposed to be enough.

I believed all of it.

Then, early in our marriage, hubs got paid in cash for a job he’d done. He gleefully exclaimed, “I love money! I love money!”

My head exploded.

That was the opposite of everything I’d been taught. Good people didn’t love money. And here was my husband saying it out loud, happy as could be.

That moment became a turning point. I started to look at what I’d been taught. I thought it through. I questioned it.

It wasn’t the whole answer, though. I’ve taken every money program I could find. Budgets. Spending plans. A financial counselor told me to do everything in cash, and I did.

I still found money gone and didn’t know where it went. I didn’t decide to spend it. It just happened.

I know how that sounds. I’m a smart woman. It sounds ridiculous.

People said it to me over and over, my husband included. “You’re smart. You’re smarter than this. How can you not realize how much you’re spending?”

I asked myself the same thing. And I judged myself too. Harshly.

I also took care of things on my own. Something would come up that needed to be paid for, and I’d figure it out.

And everywhere I turned, the message was the same. Not having enough money was my fault. Irresponsible. The problem was me.

Then I started to see it. The way I handled money was a response to the pressure running through my life. And those money stories from childhood were part of it.

That’s why it matters to understand what’s going on. Knowing why you have this habit in the first place matters. Judging yourself doesn’t change it. Seeing it and understanding it does.

Now I can catch it. Not every time. I notice the pull before I act, and I get to choose.

Here’s what that looks like. I’m in Target. I walk through clothing and home goods. It feels good. I smell the candles. I look at the things I love.

And I stay present. I ask myself what I came here for. The tea that was on sale. The dog food Ginny likes. If I remember we’re out of toilet cleaner, that goes in the cart too.

I leave with what I came for. My old habit was spending without noticing, then being shocked when I saw the total later.

Working with other women, I’ve learned I’m far from the only one who this happens to. Many spend before they notice. Many handle everything on their own. And most of us are led to believe we’re the problem.

That’s why I built the Loosen Your Money Knot program. To help women understand that the way they handle money is a response to the pressure in their lives. Once you understand yours, you can catch it before it happens and choose something different.

We start October 20. The bonus, Money Feels Different, closes at noon Central on Monday, October 19. You can see what's inside and join here. So excited to share this with you. More soon.

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Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

Linda

I wasn’t.

I’d been living in respond mode in my business. Reacting. Answering whatever showed up, when it showed up. My days filled up fast, and I called that busy.

I know how to design. I’ve used my personal power to design my personal life. I made choices and built it on purpose. But I haven’t brought that same power to my business. I held it back, and my energy went to whatever was in front of me. That’s reacting. It builds nothing.

So I’m making a shift, and it comes with a simple test. At any point in the day, I can ask myself one question: am I responding or reacting right now, or am I designing?

Here’s what a reacting day looks like.

A couple of weeks ago, I found water on the floor of my basement laundry room. The pipes were leaking. Our house is 100 years old, so repairs are part of life. My husband can’t help the way he once did, so most of it falls on me.

The plumber came, and I worked right alongside him. I cleared an entire storage closet: all the extra serving pieces, platters, and large cooking vessels. Everything had been leaked on. He fixed the pipes. The repair made a huge mess, and I spent most of that day starting the cleanup.

That day was entirely responding and reacting. I held my power that day. I took responsibility for my stuff. I just didn’t get to my intentions, my design.

Responding when life calls for it is part of living. When reacting becomes my default, I don’t even notice that I’ve stopped setting intentions to design my day.

Here’s what a designing day looks like.

Last week, I set an intention to start using what I’m learning in my AI classes. I got started on creating photos and graphics. I made two images I’m happy with: me as Mrs. Claus and me as the Snow Queen. So much fun! I’ll use them in my Black Friday and holiday promotions.

Nobody asked me to make them. No emergency required them. I chose it, and I did it.

Here’s how I make that happen. Most nights, I close out my day with a reflection. Sometimes I write it. Sometimes I say it out loud. Sometimes I say it silently in my head. I ask myself: Did I hold my personal power? Or did I hand it over to someone else instead of taking responsibility for my stuff?

After a day like the plumbing day, when life was life-ing, and I went far afield from what I intended, I revisit my original intentions for the day. Sometimes they become tomorrow’s intentions. Sometimes they wait until they fit my energy again.

Then I set my intentions for the next workday, so I know exactly where to start when I sit down at my desk. Some mornings, new ideas come while I’m writing my morning pages. When they do, I adjust the plan, my design for my day.

Here’s how I know when it’s working. When I look back at a day and it’s a blur, I know I spent it reacting. A day I designed is one I can describe. I can tell you what I set out to do and what I did.

That’s how I’m holding myself accountable now. I’m asking whether I designed my day, not whether I was busy.

What about you? Think about yesterday. Was it a blur, or can you tell me about the day you designed?

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.

First, we met the cranky, critical version of the She Sees What Could Be Better energy. The correcting eye aimed everywhere at once, including at yourself and the people you love.

Next, we met the She Sees What Could Be Better energy in everyday life. Where you’re learning to be intentional about where you direct the correction energy. And you build boundaries around the people closest to you to avoid hurting them.

And then we met the best-self version, the Integrity Corrector. In the best-self version of She Sees What Could Be Better, you’re discerning about where this energy gets aimed. The words you share are to help things change, not criticism for its own sake.

Here’s the question to sit with. Right now, are you aiming your sharpest critical awareness in a place that doesn’t benefit from it? And is there a system or situation that really needs what you can see?

And here’s your small next step. Identify one part of your work or community where something isn’t functioning as well as it could. Write down specifically what you see, and one concrete change that would improve it.

In our next episode, we move into a new energy and meet She Trusts the Depth She Carries, the voice that knows there’s real wisdom beneath the doubt that has you wait a little longer before sharing it.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

Being able to see what needs correction becomes one of the most valuable things you can offer the world. You’ve become more discerning about where that observation gets shared.

As a parent, we often see situations that need to change in our children’s lives. Years ago, one of my sons was dating someone who was absolutely not the person he believed she was. We’ll call her Susie. Not her real name. He loved her and would do anything for her. I saw the signs all along, but it wasn’t my place to say anything to him. I prayed that my instincts and observations about her were wrong. Sadly, they weren’t.

He came to me because he wanted to propose. I shoved my feelings aside and supported him. With love.

Six months later, she cheated on him. She didn’t admit it right away. She put him through a meat grinder. He knew something was wrong and kept contorting himself, trying to do everything he could to make her happy.

He talked to me about it. I gently said that her actions were of a woman who had cheated. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever said to my son. And I told him I prayed that I was wrong, that something else was going on.

Some weeks later, she finally told him the truth. And she blamed him, because somehow he “wasn’t there for her.” Don’t even get me started. It still makes my blood boil, even after fifteen years.

When he told me about it, he said, “Mom, you were right.” It took him many, many months to move past this. The one thing I said to him all through his healing was this: “The girl you were so in love with didn’t exist. Because the girl you believed Susie to be would never have done to you what Susie did.”

Yes, I had all sorts of criticism I could have shared. That wouldn’t have served my son and helped him move forward.

When you have access to the She Sees What Could Be Better energy, you become the person who walks into a broken system and knows exactly what needs to change. Who sees the pattern underneath the symptom. That’s diagnosis in service of change. It only looks like criticism from a distance.

The concern for people’s wellbeing that drives this energy is real and it’s deep. You see the gap between what is and what could be, and that gap matters to you in a way that goes beyond personal preference.

When that caring is the source, the correction becomes an energy that’s truly felt. By the person or system receiving it, and by everyone who gets to experience what happens after the fix.

And my son found his happily ever after. He’s married to a wonderful woman who loves and truly appreciates him as much as he loves and cherishes her. Yay!

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

When you’re in She Sees What Could Be Better, the correction instinct is the energy. Where you aim it is the most important piece.

This energy is designed for systems, institutions, patterns, and collective well-being. When the critical awareness goes toward work that benefits from it, amazing things happen. Problems get solved. Systems get healthier. That’s the She Sees What Could Be Better energy doing exactly what it’s supposed to do.

As a professor, part of my job was to assess and critique my students’ work. It became a habit. Yes, it was a necessary part of the job. I hated it at first. And that never really changed. Except for the really good work. That was always such a pleasure to assess.

I’m very lucky because my former students often reach out to connect with me and get together when they’re in town. Often they’ll share what they’re working on. It’s great fun. And man, there’s a part of me that has to put the brakes on and go, “You’re not their professor anymore. They don’t need your assessment and feedback, so unless they specifically ask for it, shut your mouth.”

Everyday life in the She Sees What Could Be Better energy is about being intentional about where you direct the correction energy. Is this a situation that needs fixing? Or are you applying the critical lens out of habit?

It also looks like having boundaries around applying this energy to the people you love. Your partner. Your children. Your closest friends. They need the version of you that can be with them without scanning for what needs improvement.

Everyday life in the She Sees What Could Be Better energy is also about turning the constructive instinct toward yourself with the same care you’d give other people. Compassionate identification of what needs attention. Taking steps toward fixing it. Then the acknowledgment that you’re already doing better than Critical Miss Cranky Pants will ever admit.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

When the She Sees What Could Be Better energy is in the Miss Cranky Pants version, you see everything that’s wrong. And you can’t turn it off.

In this energy, your ability to spot what isn’t working can be a very helpful tool. But the Cranky Pants energy of She Sees What Could Be Better applies it to everything and everyone. Including the people closest to you. And most of all, yourself.

This cranky energy is Criticism, the correcting eye aimed everywhere at once. It’s exhausting to live with, both for you and for the people around you.

I wish I didn’t have a lived experience of this energy, but I do. Back when I had my quilting and knitting store, I had a regular customer who became a friend. We often did things together when I had a day away from the shop. We’ll call her Sally. Definitely not her real name.

Sally was a divorced, single mom of two kids. She was a very sensitive, sweet soul. Her taste in partners sucked. Her ex-husband treated her and their kids horribly. One of the children fell and fractured their arm while they were with their dad for the weekend. He never took them to get medical treatment. That fell to Sally when the kids came home to her.

I honestly can’t remember the details of what went on with one of the fellas Sally dated when we hung out together. But he was horrible to her. And at one point, when she asked me for my thoughts about her situation, I didn’t hold back. And I hurt her. Our friendship was never the same.

It’s one of those life lessons that stings because it’s still filled with regret. I was way too critical. She deserved better from me, a friend she trusted.

The internal version of this cranky, critical energy is particularly brutal. You hold yourself to a standard that shifts the moment you reach it. You find the flaw in your own work before anyone else has a chance to appreciate what’s right with it.

And yeah, I’m very familiar with this internal criticism, too. My husband called me out on it just the other day. Before he and our friends could appreciate my work, I was pointing out what I wasn’t happy with and what I wanted to change. Yikes. Still working on that one.

The external version of the cranky, criticism energy of She Sees What Could Be Better shows up in relationships. You love the people in your life. And you can see so clearly what’s holding them back. So you tell them. Again. And again.

What comes from a place of real care lands as relentless fault-finding, and the relationship pays the price.

Underneath all of this is, “Nothing is ever quite right. Including me.”

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

Today we moved into a new energy. Over the next five days, we’re spending our time in the energy of She Sees What Could Be Better.

When this energy runs in you, you see what isn’t working. In systems. In situations. Sometimes before anyone else notices anything’s wrong at all. That ability is real, and it’s valuable. But you have to be careful where you focus this energy.

I’ve been learning about this energy for about fifteen years now. Here’s what I can tell you. Seeing what needs fixing comes with a catch. People don’t necessarily want to hear it. Especially in their relationships. So, yeah, be careful.

When I was teaching, professors were assigned student advising as part of the job. Some of us took it seriously. Others didn’t. Taking real time with students to go over their schedule and their career plans takes a lot of space in the day.

I became known as a professor who’d make time. So many, many students came to see me because their assigned advisor wasn’t helpful, or in some cases, wouldn’t even make time to see them at all.

I had conversations with my bosses in the Dean’s office about fixing this. We all agreed that our students needed real support. I couldn’t fix it myself. I didn’t have that kind of power. But I used my voice, and I’m glad I did.

Now, there are people hired to advise students. That’s their job. It takes the burden off faculty who don’t have the bandwidth to do the job the way it needs to be done. And students get a consistent voice guiding their decisions.

There’s a song that perfectly captures a piece of this energy: Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero.” Yes, I confess. I’m a Swiftie. I’ve followed her since just before she played at UWL in 2007. I had her first CD back then and have delighted in watching her grow from that seventeen-year-old performer who packed the concert room with college students into the powerhouse legend she is today. It’s so awesome to witness.

Anti-Hero is the perfect song for the energy of She Sees What Could Be Better. The whole song is built on turning that sharp, correcting eye inward. Seeing your own flaws with a clarity that doesn’t let up. That’s exactly what this energy can do. The same eye that spots what’s broken in a system can turn around and aim itself at you, just as fast and just as hard.

Over the next five days, we’re going to look at the sides of the She Sees What Could Be Better energy. What happens when the correcting eye turns on yourself and the people you love. What it looks like to properly focus this energy in everyday life. And what it looks like at its very best, when what you see becomes a real gift to the systems and people who need it.

In our next episode, we meet the cranky side of the She Sees What Could Be Better energy. I wouldn’t miss it. I hope you don’t!

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

First, we met the cranky version of this energy. There’s override mode on one side, where you push through when your body says to stop, because you’ve got a job to do. The other side is disconnection, where you ignore or overindulge instead of giving your body the care she needs.

Next, we met the She Loves and Trusts Her Body energy in everyday life. This is where you learn to catch the moment right before you’d normally push through and do the thing. You pause there. You choose to honor her signal, even when it’s inconvenient.

And then we met the best-self version, the Embodiment Master. In this version of the She Loves and Trusts Her Body energy, the pause stops being something you have to remember. Pausing just becomes the way you naturally move through your days.

As we all move out of this energy, here’s the question to consider. Where are you overriding your body right now, and calling it discipline or commitment? What would it look like to pause there instead?

And here’s your small next step. Notice one signal your body has been giving you lately. Tiredness. Tension. Hunger. The need to rest. Today, honor it instead of pushing past it.

In our next episode, we enter a new energy and meet She Sees What Could Be Better, the voice of an energy that knows exactly what needs fixing, and knows better than to use it on the people she loves.

I wouldn’t miss it. I hope you don’t!

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

In the best-self version of the She Loves and Trusts Her Body energy, the pause we talked about in the everyday life episode stops being a practice you have to remember. It just becomes how you naturally move through your days. You check in with your body before you commit to something, without even thinking of it as a separate step anymore. It’s just how you operate now.

At sixty-six, I could talk for days about the times I ignored the signals from my body. And honestly, I’m often better at picking up signals from the people in my life. The tone of voice when they don’t feel well, or when they need to take a break.

I recently added a sweet puppy to my life. Ginny is ten months old and just the sweetest thing. When I first connected with Ginny’s owner about adopting her, my mind kept going: “it can’t be this easy. This is too good to be true.”

But I felt it. My body was saying “yes. She belongs with us.” But I couldn’t take her right away. My head figured there’s no way she’ll still be there for me in six weeks. But I couldn’t allow myself to just push through and force it. So I waited. And six weeks later, she came home with me. She’s the best thing I ever gave myself permission to listen to my body and wait for. Ever.

In the best-self version of She Loves and Trusts Her Body, you’re determined without being rigid. Committed without needing to prove anything. You’ve stopped needing to push through as evidence that you’re capable, because you already know you’re capable.

There’s a kind of magic here too. When you’re truly listening to your body and trusting its timing, you keep ending up exactly where you need to be. Because you’re finally paying attention.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

Everyday life in the She Loves and Trusts Her Body energy is about catching the moment right before you’d normally push through. You know that moment. Your body says stop. And some old voice in you says, “keep going, there’s a job to do.” Everyday life in this energy means pausing there, just for a second, before you decide.

While we’ve been in this energy, I’ve been sharing how, until the last five or six years, my habit, my pattern, has been to basically override and ignore the signals from my body. It was sort of a badge of honor to overwork and push through. It didn’t do me or the people around me any good. So I worked to change things. I’m not going to pretend it was easy, and I still have to be vigilant about it, because I’m a responder. When the people around me need something, I tend to push aside what I was doing and help them. Then I scramble to get my own stuff done. Correction. That’s how I used to operate.

I’ve learned to pause for a moment before I start something. Tune in. Pay attention to my body. Does she have capacity for what we’re about to do? Or would this be pushing through and doing something that isn’t the best thing for me right now?

I was working from our lake house last week, enjoying the last days of summer. It was a super busy work week for me. My husband and I received a number of end-of-season invitations to spend an evening with family, or just go visit some friends. I did some of these things, as my schedule allowed. But there were several times when I declined and encouraged my husband to go without me. The old me would never have done that, especially with the in-laws. But this time, I listened. My body said, “nope. There are still a few things to do here, and then you need the rest.” This once would have been a very big deal for me. This time, it just felt good.

Listening to your body is a practice, not a personality trait. You don’t wake up one day fully trusting your body. You build it one paused moment at a time. Noticing the signal. Choosing to honor it, even when honoring it feels inconvenient.

It also means being honest with yourself about the story you tell in that moment. “I don’t have time to stop” is usually not really true. It’s your override voice, dressed up as responsibility.

Caring for your body is part of your life. It’s not a side project. When you listen to your body instead of overriding it, you have more for everything else on your plate.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

Well, as I mentioned in yesterday’s episode, I’m very familiar with the cranky sides of She Loves and Trusts Her Body.

The first type of cranky energy here is override mode. Your body tells you, clearly, to stop. You feel it. You push through anyway. Then you call the exhaustion discipline. Your determination points you at the wrong target, and you keep trying to prove something instead of listening to your body.

For years, decades even, my default mode was override. I had three babies in just over three years. We had no family nearby. I was new in our little city. It was basically just me and my boys for the first stretch of their lives. I was married, but to put it kindly, my husband was not a baby person. The current term for my life back then is “single parent while married.” I quit my job and stayed home with my babies. They were my job. All day. All night. Every day. Yes, we fought, mightily, about this. That’s a story for a different day.

I pushed my body so hard and ignored her when she told me to stop. I felt like I couldn’t stop, because I had a job to do. I walked around telling myself, “nobody ever died from lack of sleep. They got stupid, but they didn’t die.”

When our youngest was eighteen months old, I got the flu. I’d never had the influenza before, but man, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. I had about as much strength and energy as a wet washcloth. It was Christmas Eve. We had friends over for dinner. By the time they left, it dawned on me that something was really wrong. But I had packing to do. We were leaving early Christmas Day to spend the holiday with my in-laws, and there was no way we could not go.

Winter in Wisconsin. We headed out. After a five-hour drive, all I could do was crawl into bed. I couldn’t ignore my body anymore. Two days later, we took a trip to the emergency room. Influenza. IV fluids. Then, time to go. But before we left, the emergency room doctor really reamed out my husband. He needed to help more. I was really sick. He needed to handle the littles so I could recover. The doctor was so stern that my husband was shaken up. On the drive back to his mom’s house, he asked me, “Am I really that bad?” I didn’t have the energy for a comprehensive answer in that moment. And then the moment was gone.

The other kind of cranky energy in She Loves and Trusts Her Body swings the other way. You entirely disconnect from your body. Or you swing hard in the opposite direction. Overindulging it. Numbing out instead of nurturing.

On a lighter note, I’m usually a pretty good eater, mindful of what I eat and how much. But every now and then, yikes. I’ll start on my snack of the moment, let’s say potato chips. I’ll have some chips with my sandwich at lunch. The sandwich is long gone, and I’m still eating the freaking chips. And you know what finally stops me? When my stomach is going, “no more, no more.” Long after my body was already telling me we’d had enough. This doesn’t happen often, and honestly, it happens less often as I’ve gotten older, but I was so good at ignoring what my body was telling me she needed. Here’s a clue. It wasn’t potato chips.

Underneath all of this, you’re thinking, “I don’t have time to stop right now. There’s too much depending on me.”

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

Today we enter a new energy. For the next five days, we’re spending our time with the energy of She Loves and Trusts Her Body.

This is the main energy that runs through me. I’m so excited to get into it and share it with you.

When this energy runs in you, your body isn’t a tool to manage. It’s the vehicle for everything else you’re here to do. You’re wired to love your body. To trust it. To test its limits just to see what’s possible.

I would be lying if I told you I’ve always loved my body. Quite the opposite. I’ll be sixty-six this week. For at least two-thirds of my life, I’ve felt at odds with my body. There were so many reasons. Among them, ignoring her and feeling disconnected because I was trying to bury and hide from my trauma. And then there was the disconnection from always comparing myself to all of the “perfect” people (at least that’s how I saw them), who had the perfect hair, smile, eyes, face, body, boobs, legs. You get the idea. It’s only been in recent years that I’ve learned to love and appreciate my body, just as she is. And more importantly, to trust her and the signals she gives me.

The fun part of this is that I truly believe life just keeps getting better and better. And at almost sixty-six, I remind myself that it’s totally use-it-or-lose-it time. As we age, the less we do, the less we can do. I see the truth of this in the people around me all the time. I saw it with my mother before she passed. Her world got smaller and smaller as she did less and less, and then it got to where she couldn’t do anything for herself.

I’ve grown into loving and appreciating my body. She’s strong. Flexible. Energetic. Resilient. And yes, older. But honestly, so much better than forty-five or fifty years ago. Yes, things have moved and shifted. She’s got lines and scars and spots to remind me of the roads we’ve journeyed on and through. Childbirth and nursing three babies made for a lot of changes. At the time, I didn’t marvel at what she did, because I was so busy in the trenches. But now? Now, I’m gob-smacked by what she did. By how she’s navigated our challenges. And by how she continues to support me.

There’s a perfect song for this energy, Alicia Keys’ “This Girl Is on Fire.” It’s got that same vibrancy this energy carries. Fully alive in your own body. Lit up from the inside, not from anything outside you. These days, I’m careful to nurture and support myself in ways that make me feel fully alive and lit up in my own body. And with that, I’m off to listen to Alicia sing that song. And to dance. And let myself get lit up in the fun of this energy, of this moment.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

First, we met the cranky version of this energy. You’re guarded. You wish you weren’t so careful and protective of yourself. You see tension as a warning instead of information.

Next, we met the She Wants Connection, On Her Terms energy as it’s designed to run in everyday life. Here, you learn to pause. You learn to read the timing. You’re able to discern who’s safe, instead of staying closed to everyone.

And then we met this energy at her best self, the Harmony Creator. In this energy, you walk into tension and shift it. You show people that conflict can be a beginning.

As we move from this energy, here’s the question to ponder. Where are you holding back more than is serving you? Where might you be opening up before the timing is right?

And here’s your small next step. Name one relationship where tension has been building. Don’t resolve it. Don’t avoid it. Just name it, honestly, to yourself. Then decide. Speak now, or let it settle first.

In our next episode, we move into a new energy and meet She Loves and Trusts Her Body. This energy knows how good it feels to fully enjoy her own body. This is the main energy that runs through me, so I’m super excited to share this one with you.

I wouldn’t miss it. I hope you don’t!

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

When you’re in the best-self version of She Wants Connection, On Her Terms energy, you can walk into a room full of tension. And the tension shifts. Because you’re present. Because you’re candid. Because you’re committed to finding what’s underneath the tension.

When you’re in a committed relationship with someone for a long time, there are some really challenging stretches. One approach is to just ignore how you’re feeling. You push it away and hope the challenges fade into the rear-view mirror and things get better on their own. Let’s be real. Tension is icky. And ucky. It doesn’t feel good. So you ignore it. Except that doesn’t do your relationship any good at all. There’s got to be a better way.

My challenge was always admitting the truth of my feelings, unless I was saying I love you. I might have been unhappy with something my husband was doing, but for a long time, I said nothing. And the tension grew. And grew. And GREW. He knew I was upset, even though I said I was fine. When I finally got brave enough to tell him how I felt about what was going on, his response was, “Woman, I can’t read your mind. If you don’t tell me what you want and how you feel, I’m never gonna know.” That was a game changer that saved our marriage.

Most people avoid conflict, or get swallowed by it. When the She Wants Connection, On Her Terms energy is running in its best version in you, you’re wired for a third way. Moving through it. Toward something better on the other side.

You’ve made peace with vulnerability. Not because it stopped being scary. Because you learned the good stuff lives just past the edge of scary.

When you’re in this energy, you create harmony for yourself. And you show everyone around you what’s possible. Conflict doesn’t have to be the end. It can be the start.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!

I don’t have steady access to this energy, but my husband does. So I’ve gotten a front-row seat to what it takes to work with the She Wants Connection, On Her Terms energy.

Before I studied energy the way I do now, I thought hubs just had a temper. When he got mad, he would blow up. It was NOT fun to be around him. We used to joke and blame it on the Italian half of him. As I built my life with him, I learned to help him pause, to let his emotions settle before he responded to something. When I learned about how his energy really works, I learned that his emotions are felt and processed in waves. With this energy consistently running in him, he needed to pause. He needed to wait before responding.

When he moved into management, he ran into a different challenge with this energy. He wanted connection with his people, but he wanted it on his terms. He’s a very direct person, not given to idle chit chat, not interested in spending time just getting to know someone for its own sake. His way was to connect with someone when he needed them to do something. And most of them would get pissed. Why do I only see you when you need something from me? That approach made sense to him, but it didn’t land well with the people he managed.

I guided him to think it through from their perspective. They wanted a different relationship with their manager. They wanted to see him more than just when he needed something from them. Once he calmed down about it, he realized he needed a different approach. He started regularly visiting each person. Just a quick check-in. How’s it going? It changed everything. He realized that other people needed a different type of connection than he did.

When the She Wants Connection, On Her Terms energy is running in you, this is the everyday practice. Pausing before reacting. Learning that the timing and the conditions that feel right to you might not be what someone else needs.

You’ll feel tension when your terms don’t match what someone else needs. That tension is information. My husband felt it. His people weren’t happy with how he was treating them. At first, that annoyed him. But he turned it around and built relationships that have lasted for years.

So with this energy, pause before you react. Is this telling you to wait? Or telling you to speak? Timing is everything here.

Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!