I’ve overed my whole life. It was just how I operated. I didn’t have a word for it yet, and I certainly couldn’t see it, but I overed. Therapists told me I was trying to fill my bucket. And my bucket had a hole in it.
Overdoing. Overgiving. Overthinking. Overspending. Overcommitting. Overworking. Overindulging. Overing.
The list keeps going. For a long time, I lived inside almost every overing without realizing there was a name for what was happening. They were all running in my life. And depending on the moment, it felt like they were ruining my life.
I didn’t recognize it, but overing was running my life. I was the Overing Queen, and I lived in Overing Land.
About 12 years ago, I started on what I now think of as my Learning Journey. I went searching, trying to understand myself, and I found tools I believed in because when I used them, it helped me. I felt better.
I invested in the tools. I trained and got certified in tapping (EFT), breathwork, life, and business coaching. I used the tools, and my overing eased up somewhat. Life was better. I slept better. I felt better. People noticed. I started sharing my tools because they helped me so much. I worked with my students, and I took on clients. I guided them to a place where they felt better, too.
The thing is, the overing was better, but I still didn’t understand it. I thought, and was often told, that something was wrong with me. Maybe the Trauma had broken me? So, I continued to use my tools, trying to “fix” myself.
It sucks to walk around, functioning well, looking very successful, when inside doesn’t feel that way. But I was better, and that ain’t nothing! My overing eased up some. But I still didn’t understand where it came from.
And then, about five years ago, a friend told me about human design. I got curious. I had a reading. It was okay. Interesting. Not life-changing. I started to learn more. I had another reading. The glimmer of recognition was starting to shine. I learned more and integrated it, and wowsa! It was as if someone handed me the map to myself.
For the first time, I could see where my overing tendencies came from. Guess what? It WASN’T my Trauma! That map didn’t just describe me, it explained me. Once I GOT it, and really saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. I continued to study and started to work with people, sharing what I was learning. The more I understood myself, the more I recognized in the women I worked with.
Most of the women were high-capacity, capable women: the ones who hold everything together, who everyone counts on because they can. Maybe this is you? A lot of these women were releasing their pressure through money. Spending, avoiding, controlling, carrying, releasing, in ways that had nothing to do with the number in their bank account and everything to do with the pressure they were holding. And because money behavior is so easy to misread, these same women were misunderstood. Sometimes shamed. Sometimes even misdiagnosed.
That’s the work I do now. I help capable, successful women see and understand their own overing habits, and how those habits run their lives behind the scenes. They usually aren’t at a breaking point or burnt out; they just feel…like I did. Like, everything looks great on the outside. People even comment on what a great life you have. But inside is your dirty little secret, because your inside feels…off. Like it doesn’t match your outside. So we work together. I help them move forward on their Road to Better.
So, what exactly IS overing?
Overing is my term for the high-functioning habit of doing, giving, fixing, proving, indulging, and perfecting. It costs you your peace, your energy, your joy. It’s fucking sneaky because from the outside, it looks, smells, sounds, and tastes like success. But it doesn’t FEEL like success because on the inside, you’re losing yourself one overing at a time.
Here’s the part I want you to get, to REALLY get: overing isn’t who you are. Let’s say it again: overing isn’t who you are. It’s a habit you picked up along the way. It probably worked for a while. It kept you safe. Needed. Respected. In control. It made sense. You identified with it. Overing may even have defined you. It just isn’t serving you anymore.
Eight Overing Habits I See Most Frequently
Overthinking: “I can’t stop spinning in my head.”
Overgiving: “I say yes when I mean no.”
Overworking: “If I slow down, it won’t get done or I’ll fall behind.”
Overcommitting: “There’s just not enough of me to go around. I need to clone myself.”
Over-perfecting: “It has to be flawless before I can share it or submit it.”
Over-adapting: “I shrink or shift to keep the peace.”
Override mode: “I push past what I feel, and I don’t stop until I crash.”
Overindulging: “I do this/need this to cope, even when I end up feeling worse.”
Slowly read through that list again. I’d bet at least one of them stopped you.
If it did, here’s what I want you to know: this isn’t a character flaw (although some will say it is). It’s not proof that you’re too much or not enough (although some will say you are). It’s a habit you learned, and on some level, it worked for you. What’s learned can be unlearned. You get to leave Overing Land and live at “Better.” Like, on the Road to Better.
Ask yourself which one of these habits is costing you the most energy right now? And what would life feel like if you unlearned that habit?
If This Sounds Like Your Life
You don’t have to figure this out on your own, and you definitely don’t have to keep toughing your way through it.
I host a free call called “When You’re Capable…and Something Feels Off,” for women whose lives look completely fine to everyone else but don’t feel that way on the inside. We’ll talk through what’s running in the background of your life and what your next step could look like. No pitch. No pressure. Just a real conversation with someone who sees you and understands you.
Warmly,
Linda