I heard it thousands of times as a kid. “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” I also heard, “We don’t have the money for that.”
So I made a rule for myself. If I wanted something, I had to figure out how to get it. Period.
I was raised in a very religious home. Money went to God first, off the top. Wanting money was something good girls didn’t do. We weren’t supposed to talk about needing money.
The message was clear. I would receive exactly what I deserved. I would receive what I needed. I would be taken care of.
I wasn’t supposed to want more than that. What I received was supposed to be enough.
I believed all of it.
Then, early in our marriage, hubs got paid in cash for a job he’d done. He gleefully exclaimed, “I love money! I love money!”
My head exploded.
That was the opposite of everything I’d been taught. Good people didn’t love money. And here was my husband saying it out loud, happy as could be.
That moment became a turning point. I started to look at what I’d been taught. I thought it through. I questioned it.
It wasn’t the whole answer, though. I’ve taken every money program I could find. Budgets. Spending plans. A financial counselor told me to do everything in cash, and I did.
I still found money gone and didn’t know where it went. I didn’t decide to spend it. It just happened.
I know how that sounds. I’m a smart woman. It sounds ridiculous.
People said it to me over and over, my husband included. “You’re smart. You’re smarter than this. How can you not realize how much you’re spending?”
I asked myself the same thing. And I judged myself too. Harshly.
I also took care of things on my own. Something would come up that needed to be paid for, and I’d figure it out.
And everywhere I turned, the message was the same. Not having enough money was my fault. Irresponsible. The problem was me.
Then I started to see it. The way I handled money was a response to the pressure running through my life. And those money stories from childhood were part of it.
That’s why it matters to understand what’s going on. Knowing why you have this habit in the first place matters. Judging yourself doesn’t change it. Seeing it and understanding it does.
Now I can catch it. Not every time. I notice the pull before I act, and I get to choose.
Here’s what that looks like. I’m in Target. I walk through clothing and home goods. It feels good. I smell the candles. I look at the things I love.
And I stay present. I ask myself what I came here for. The tea that was on sale. The dog food Ginny likes. If I remember we’re out of toilet cleaner, that goes in the cart too.
I leave with what I came for. My old habit was spending without noticing, then being shocked when I saw the total later.
Working with other women, I’ve learned I’m far from the only one who this happens to. Many spend before they notice. Many handle everything on their own. And most of us are led to believe we’re the problem.
That’s why I built the Loosen Your Money Knot program. To help women understand that the way they handle money is a response to the pressure in their lives. Once you understand yours, you can catch it before it happens and choose something different.
We start October 20. The bonus, Money Feels Different, closes at noon Central on Monday, October 19. You can see what's inside and join here. So excited to share this with you. More soon.
Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.
Linda