I’ve been watching people for most of my life.
I didn’t plan it. It’s how I’m wired. I taught accounting and finance for years, and I have an MBA. You’d think I was watching the numbers. Nope. I was watching what people did with them.
What I noticed first was the overing.
Overdoing. Overthinking. Overgiving. Overholding. Overcommitting. Overindulging. Overing. It showed up in my students. In my colleagues. In my friends. And yes, in me. (I’m not exempt.) I started calling myself the Overing Queen.
What did I notice?
So glad you asked! Nobody overs because something’s wrong with them. These were capable women. Smart. Responsible. The ones who got called when something needed to be done.
So then, I wondered what pushes a capable woman into overing.
Pressure. That’s it. Pressure.
Pressure to keep everything running. Pressure to get it right, to get it done. Pressure to be the one who takes care of it. Pressure to see it through.
I kept observing and watching. I noticed that we manage the pressure in different ways. Some women are the Go-To. Everybody turns to them. Some are the Driver. They move things forward. Some are the Improver. They’re all about how to make it better. Some are the Holder. They keep everything together. And some are the Observer. They watch and think and take it all in before they act.
Same pressure. Five different ways that it runs through us. When I saw her pressure style, her overing made sense.
Then I followed it into the wallet
I didn’t set out to study money. But following the pressure led me there.
Because pressure hides in your money.
I saw the woman who watches every dollar like a hawk. She’s keeping things under control.
I saw the woman who handles it all alone. She pays the whole bill when the person who agreed to split it didn’t follow through.
I saw the woman who’d rather not look at her accounts. Opening that account feels like too much, so the app stays closed.
And I saw the woman who finds herself spending without meaning to.
That last one is me.
My story
I grew up hearing “money doesn’t grow on trees.” I also heard “we don’t have enough money for that” All. The. Time.
So I made myself a rule. If I wanted something, I’d figure out how to get it myself.
I did. I got the degrees. I built a career. I taught accounting and finance. I took every money program I could find.
And even with all of that, I still found myself spending before I noticed. Yeah. I know how that sounds. But it happens. To a lot of us.
I’d be in Target with my kids. Wind my way through the store, looking for the items on my list. And – ooh – what’s that? That’s really special. Into the cart with you.
One of the boys points out a different thing. Ooh – that would be a solution to the closet organization. Into the cart it goes.
One of the boys is SO EXCITED because the game he’s been searching for and waiting for is FINALLY back in stock! Into the cart it goes, after he’s promised to pay me back. (Any bets on whether I ever collected that money from him?)
The third son reminds me that he needs a new notebook for school.
We make our way through the store in this fashion. Get to the checkout and – yikes! THAT’S the total!?! Holy crap!
And off we go to the car.
I remember thinking, “I teach this stuff. What’s going on?”
Pressure. What was going on was pressure. My money habits were a response to it. It’s not a personal flaw. Once I saw that, things started to loosen up.
Why this matters to you
If you’ve ever thought “I should know better,” hear this. Knowing better was never the missing piece. Most capable women know plenty about money.
What’s missing is seeing how you handle it, and why. When you can see that, you can choose differently. You’ll make them because you finally understand what’s been going on.
Loosen Your Money Knot
That’s why I built Loosen Your Money Knot.
It’s a six-week program. Each day has a small step called Today’s Untying. You’ll see how you handle money, why you handle it that way, and what you can do differently. There’s a community, so you’re not doing it alone.
Day 1 starts the day you join. Everything’s in the portal when you get in. You keep access for six months.
Join Loosen Your Money Knot here.
I’d love to see you inside. Here’s to untying the knot!
Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference.
Linda