She had it to give. She chose to hold it back instead.
There are two versions of Miss Cranky Pants energy here, and you might recognize yourself in either one.
The first version steps in to lead before anyone hands her the role. The vision is clear. The direction seems obvious. And waiting to be invited feels like an unnecessary delay when things could just be moving already.
The second version resents the waiting. She knows she’s capable. She can see exactly where things need to go. And she finds it totally frustrating that the invitation hasn’t arrived. So she either keeps pushing into spaces that haven’t opened for her yet, or she pulls back completely and withholds the very leadership the people around her really need.
I’ve definitely done the latter. I had a situation where I wasn’t officially in the leadership role, and the person who did have the title and the position wasn’t doing jack. And they were being very well paid to do it. So I pulled back and stopped sharing. Being honest with you, this was not the best version of myself. Ugh. I don’t even like to remember this, let alone tell you about it.
But here’s what I’ve had to sit with since. My pulling back didn’t just protect me from the frustration of watching someone else fail at the job. It also meant the people who needed good leadership in that moment didn’t get it, because I had it to give and chose to hold onto it instead.
The low hum underneath both versions is the same question: “I can see where this needs to go. Why does nobody seem to be asking me to take us there?”
Here’s the thing about that question. It’s not wrong to ask it. But the answer usually isn’t about being overlooked. It’s about the invitation not being built yet, the trust not being earned yet, the credibility not being there yet. And that part, we get to work on next.
Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!
