I was the queen of holding back. It was lose-lose.
There are two versions of Miss Cranky in the She Leads From Behind energy. You might recognize yourself in either one.
The first version of cranky energy in She Leads From Behind knows exactly where things should be going and can’t figure out why nobody’s listening. She’s got a real ability to see the future direction of something and knows with certainty what needs to happen to get there. That clarity is real. But she tries to lead before she’s been invited to. She steps forward before the room is ready, and the direction she offers comes across as pushy because the timing is off or the trust hasn’t been built yet.
The second version isn’t as out there, but it’s just as uncomfortable. This cranky pants energy has the vision, but holds back entirely, waiting to be asked, waiting to be recognized, while privately wondering if that moment is ever going to come.
I used to be the queen of this one. Holding back. Waiting to be asked. Waiting to be recognized. Dreaming of when someone would recognize my ability to lead and guide. I kept things to myself, or maybe shared my ideas with one or two people in the group, but I held back, thinking that the people in charge would eventually see me and my strengths on their own. They didn’t. Because they really had no clue what I could do, because I held back. It was a vicious circle. Holding back. Not sharing. Not letting on that I had helpful skills and abilities. I did that, well, too much. And no one wins when that happens. Not stepping forward, not sharing, not opening myself up, it held me back, and it certainly didn’t help my community. It was lose-lose.
Both of these are the same stuck place. Too far forward or too far back. Either way, the people who needed your direction never got it.
The message underneath both versions is: “I can see exactly where this needs to go. Why won’t anyone let me help?” It’s frustrating and no fun, which is why we call it cranky pants energy.
Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!
