Forty-two years later, I can say it was the right yes.
This isn’t about being less enthusiastic or less all in about your life. It’s about making sure the yes comes from the right place before it comes out of your mouth. In everyday life, that looks like pausing long enough before a commitment to feel whether the energy behind it is true readiness or the anxiety of potentially missing out.
I dated my now-husband for four years before we got married. There were ups and downs, but I was very committed to him. And then I got pregnant. It was a huge surprise because of my medical history, and by the time I found out, I was more than four months along. Even bigger surprise.
We learned I was pregnant in mid-September. And then we started talking. We were living together, but he was divorced, and you know the saying, “once bitten, twice shy.” That’s where he was at. He wanted me to have the baby, quit my job, and stay home with the baby, without being married. Not a chance. No fucking way.
I didn’t demand that we get married. But there was no way I was going to quit my job and give up my independence. I almost left to move back to Milwaukee and try to get my old job back. At some point, he brought up marriage. He wanted to get married. I took a big, long pause. There was no way I was going to get married just because of the baby. I thought long and hard. We talked more. And we were married in November. Forty-two years later, I can say it was the right yes.
There’s a cyclical nature to this energy that’s super important in everyday life. There are seasons when you honestly have the energy for something new, and periods when you don’t have the energy for something new, because you need to finish what you’ve already committed to. Learning to tell which season you’re in, and waiting until you have something to give before saying yes again, is the whole practice.
And once you’ve said yes, the other part of this energy is to release the expectation of where things are going. This energy is really about the journey. The commitment, the yes that’s right for you, takes you somewhere you couldn’t have planned in advance.
Find your happy. Love what you do. Make a difference. Come back to me safely. See ya!
